33. Unloud

2006-12-07T07:29:00.000Z

Some notebooks were found:

Down on the farm

……….Trees, plants and soil …….down on the farm………………could be, so well…… …………………you get so tired of sleep and no-one believes you are there……down on the farm.

……..as I pass my fingers through your hair, I miss that sound, I remember

” pray tell me my little jewel”…..“there must be something somewhere”.

Dried up fields……..no well….so still…

Foxy foxy……you’re the one I adore

..it looks like a crown. They can’t borrow what they have found here…………………some things just gleam and sparkle like glitter……..in the wind and all the fountains are shut down. The glare, I will never forget that glare…………………….Light and the sound begins.

Fog, then today rain.

The light goes on.

Paradise, smile, solve….and no pleasure.

I have been walking 200km

Wind and light

Mystery and walking

Living truth

200km more

There is too much to see.

I heard you say unto me……..”dissolve, reveal. Dissolve then reveal”

Take some advise, just listen and don’t answer back they say, me in yours, your in mine….burning rocks, fire at 5.00am, no snow melting, wait, weight, big vibrations, draughts, look at the water, shimmering.

Shining you wrote me.

300+ 33 touches I counted………333 serial number.

I remember a bright afternoon, seasons pass, leaves, raindrops, tapping windows, ravishing, silly things, singing songs, crazy things……….one drop on the back of my hand…..fire, burn, dreams and the room keeps speeding up.

Swim….I lay my head in your lap…swim…..I could die a couple of times for you…swim…….it’s the shadow that swims.

2006-10-31T10:37:00.000Z

listen, ..........10 or 100 years sleep..............it doesn't matter....................................this place

2006-10-26T08:25:00.000+01:00

Postscript or something like that.

When there is no fire left …no flame…nothing to burn or fight about…..how long?…is it now?

Masha to Misha

God that was strange to see you again………all this time…how long now?….and there you were just walking along…………past that post, past those small fences, past those trees cackling in the wind………….no introduction……you smiled and said “yes you” and in that instance it started blowing really hard and snow too…..oh what a hiatus…...We captured a sledge and we drove in silence across that white desert, past dancing trees, beyond the sound of dogs and into no-places……..I know it was you…….and then you just said “I told Zoya…..that those scars are a mess on your porcelain skin……and Zoya said to me, I tried to reach deep but couldn’t get in”….I remember you said this.

Masha to Misha

Misha Misha…all this time, all this beauty…just look……Misha I will write your name in that tree and I’ll tell you the names of all the people who passed through that house and those places…each and every one…….and then I heard this, “live through this and you won’t look back, live through this and you won’t look back…”………Misha and Masha laugh…I know, but look at us now………Misha there is one thing I want to say, listen I’m going to brave so listen……..all that I wanted I gave, I’m not sorry I met you, I’m not sorry what I’ve said, I’m not sorry al this is over, I’m not sorry we have nothing to say…… I remember those steps the windows the doors the wood the smell the taste the colours I still feel them now. I’m not sorry.

Winter: Strange but beautiful sounds, mysterious sweet smells and cold to touch.

Its so far…………cruelty and shorelines…………..they laugh together…then they heard together “oh this weather and the weather, sway in time to the weather”….more laughter……..

Misha speaks:

………but you sing……and you dance………and will forever…………… and your heart is sick with wonder……………look at the snow on the ground…………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Stop breathing for me…………………I need to sleep….……..there is nothing to say.

2006-10-23T12:58:00.000+01:00

Masha…do you understand this?……..can you?…..its that sound, what a sound…the snow coming down….blue light….you just can’t stop talking, you mustn’t…..here in the glittering light, a golden slipper…no sunlight with all anger just simply abandoned.

Misha….listen up and listen good…lord oh lord….you put these things in my ears…so straight talking ok….clear…straight…..all this makes me so downhearted…c’om on…and this place I c’ant see it anymore…..I don’t see…………invisible?……..too sweet you see…its just innuendo. I’m not out of this world or ever was, not sinister, not immortal and now you say don’t be crazy, those words in my ears…sideways. And something you said to me..ee…ee..e…pah do they know what it is like to be given new “accommodation”.

2006-10-19T00:13:00.001+01:00

ACTUALLY.....................................just 3 steps down...........

invisible................space being

same for me.

2006-08-20T22:54:00.000+01:00

facing north

All events, places, times, characters are intentionally true, even if it never happened.

1.Fokin listen to this…….” I might have been some time”

2.……..………..ok ok ok, but there is something I have wanted to ask you….is it me or what I am looking at?

1.I don’t know………..lightning head!!!

2.……………….But things you look at provoke things…….

1.Yes!!………..inwards or outwards

2.……………….Actually I think both, it’s a particular and peculiar thing………things here are conventionally used to signify political and psychological extremes, and all this is underwritten by many histories of feeling.

1.Listen to this…………” it fills the mind with grand ideas and turns the soul in on itself”

2.……………..I don’t care………we are on the second floor so nothing can wash us away…but what you say…things here are sort of in reverse, I mean…….the usual order of things are in reverse, not a religious order but it’s as if everything rebelled, a sort of counter attack against things, the everyday scheme of things went out of the window, everything gets inverted…perhaps its all the water round here……winter and summer fused together……..its like a gigantic ice house waiting to melt…….always at that point.

1...............rocket

2006-08-10T08:36:00.000+01:00

230* NW

Its nighttime now………..we see fading glorious light.

Then: A woman and a man……… the man speaks first

Its not your road you know.

……It’s too far and not now, we can’t do that now.

Listen to those dogs

…….Don’t smoke so close to me and where did you get them from, I thought there wasn’t any on the island any more.

……….Look, your hands have changed colour……….look………….How?

………Please don’t ever tell me.

Its nothing, 200km of sleepers

………200km of sleepers, I like that sentence it sounds lovely.

After everything…you still manage to talk about those little things and then there is a little bit of light.

………Please don’t tell me

I still have some wishes

……….your blue eyes could be brown, full brown circles. So fine.

For you all this is really nothing…………….it doesn’t really matter……….you are wherever you want.

……….To have a perfect circle

What is that smell?

We have nowhere to go.

……..no

Directions

……No

There is no road.

………no

What is that noise?

The stairs?

…………..the sky.

Its cold.

…………..Listen to the dogs bark……..everything is changed…………..

LOUD NOISE.

Enter 5 or 7 year old….girl. So there are 3 people in the room now.

Dig, dig a hole…..go go………….I don’t like to feel this way.

………….you’re a crocodile.

Guess I need some education.

…………..can’t remember

In my arms your warm and smooth.

Wah wah wah……..tie together…tie together…hear ye hear ye....must have some coffee…….I’d die………baby.

………….I can’t remember

It’s plain to see……….no misery. Subtle. Now what I see in the long twilight…………on a hill so white…………..Your face glows, a golden you. I don’t think anybody knows what they do. For the tender things are upon us now, fragrant, evening air, I could leave this world quite without a care…… shadows swim.

I’ll buy for you a real fine hat, that’s for you and that’s where it at.

………….I could just sort of not be there, just come and go and jump in the lake…drip dry time…what I want.

Look outside the dog is turning red.

2006-08-10T08:12:00.000+01:00

Spooky the way some people live.

I……….yes……….I mean, no. No I don’t understand! I don’t.

Setting:

Forest, open paths and small clearings near a pond-bog-small lake. Several houses, doorways, corridors, rooms and windows. Always wooden or concrete buildings. The colour brown is important, sky blue or ultramarine, white, black, orange/red and strong yellows.

20* NNW

The year;

Early 20th century or perhaps early 21st century

We hear dogs barking somewhere, the smell of cigarettes and the sound of feet on stairs.

Voices growing louder, a sort of flashlight, static buzzing sounds, then feet stamping. Its’ snowing outside.

……………..oh yes…………sorry…………..there you are.

They enter the room.

Can I keep this?

>Yes

Look out the window, listen, everything is so dark

>Look at those lights over there,…………………and there. It makes you feel like we are sat inside a Christmas tree and that if you look up glitter is falling from the sky.

I can’t understand that……look at this……..the whole place is lit up………………………..

2006-08-08T15:07:00.000+01:00

I heard this:

………………………………………………Where are you? Where are you?

Its dark, lets go out and smoke. Step under those trees and listen with your eyes.

Then:

Cigarettes are not abstract, just sort of gestures or something, not abstract. They are certain moods or something. Images, sounds and a sort of chattiness, phonetic and occasionally formal and it makes for intermittent idiosyncratic punctuation. They are farcical, obscene, ludicrous, a slave of a spirit which a later age will perhaps no longer comprehend. It is similar to a shadow that lies like a dog at your feet. Perhaps there are greater things and fairer silvery tones in nature, but this is mine and known to me, a blood relation, and more indeed than that. It’s a flesh eater.

2006-08-07T14:27:00.000+01:00

Twilight

>I had to

So it was you……how could you?…..of all the people ever to have said anything……..you.

>I had to. Do you know what they said they would do?

When did this start?………Please don’t tell me you did this all along!……………….it wasn’t you all along. You have been telling them all along?

>I had to.

You knew this all along?……………………………………..why?

>I had to.

2006-07-16T21:59:00.000+01:00

We sat in the house space. The echo stairs had us running and running. The sirens discovered electricity, each many many times. Running…….running steps and stairs. It was a good home to many people, animals and ghosts.

All around was the rhythm of that sweet soft sound. “I will be true. Steal a compass/ drive north/ get lost and be quiet”. It came from his lips. “Look out for the wild dogs of thunderbolt and anyway they can’t lock me up I am eternally free” from her lips. Observe frequencies and balance, no harmony, dancing. 2 tears in a bucket and the fading lights are fading.

Well what about white, not just the whiteness of snow I mean white. What is it? Perhaps its impossible to describe it or even give it a form but if I don’t try all this will be for nothing, I mean really for naught. What is it that is so appalling and yet compelling? I mean really unspeakable and forceful in the way that your body reallocates.

White:

It enhances beauty
Pearls
Royalty
White elephants
Albinos
Flags
Humans and mastership
Gladness
White choker
White stone markers
Innocence of brides
Dignity of age
Honor
Cowardice
Justice
Milk white teeth
Spotlessness
Power
White forked flame
Holiest
Snow white
Great white bull
Sacred vesture
Alb
Passions
White light
White heat
White noise
White taste
White heart
Redemption
The holy one sited there white as wool
“Yet whatever is sweet, honorable and sublime in this hue lurks and strikes a panic to the soul. More than the redness of blood”.
The thought of whiteness
Polar nights
Ghostliness
Requiem
Eternal rest
White stillness of death-pallor
White sharks
Supernaturalism
Shroud
Terror
Fog
Apparition
White mountain tops
White deserts
The “white pale man”
White veil
White sea
The moon
Frost and air
Whiteness of being alone
The eternal frosted desolateness of inhuman solitudes
Christian deity
Things most appalling
Indefiniteness that shadows the heartless voids and immensities of the universe
The milk way
Not so much a colour but the visible absence of colour and yet the concrete of all colours.
Dumb dumbness, full of meaning in a wide landscape of snows
Snow
Principles of light
Blank
The impossibility of not seeing
белый
бедняки из белого населения южных штатов
белая ворона
белая горячка
Белая книга
белая лилия
белая рабыня
белая рыба
белое духовенство
белое каление
белое мясо
белое поле мишени
белые фигуры
белый галстук
Белый дом
белый как мрамор
белый круг мишени
Hiatus

2006-06-20T22:28:00.000+01:00

Or perhaps: electric shock

I was spare….my teeth were good and do you know frozen to the spot every inch of me.

I hate it all….down…………….trodden….all those people drinking….swallowing words, just listen.

I don’t work anymore…I’ll never again.....no not here....can’t get used to it…all that human activity…pah!

3 steps only:

1. Who was it in the room? I fell on the bottom step and broke my teeth.

2. Tried to climb on to the roof from the 3rd step.

3. Climbed out of the door but it was the window.

So they visit you just to remind you or was it to tell you….and why a little girl. Anyway they said electric shock treatment would stop me drinking, shot in the head….see…….. So quietly. Not a rabbit but a habit…shot out.

She came to the room so silent, it was even sly and scary. They came wild.....that c a p I t a i n with his big boots and missing buttons and gold front teeth and smelling of vinegar. Wam bam.

So now I take my time and you take your time just take your time and now today the building is painted blue.

2006-06-19T23:02:00.000+01:00

Or perhaps it was something like: uncontrollable unbearable super charged electricity.

I think it was early evening perhaps mid December or no, late march……….ah it doesn’t matter about that, but listen about the time in winter when it never really gets light, early evening, dark, cold, snow, ice, small sounds but very very still. At least remember its nothing like summer.

I was constantly shrinking away from the streetlights outside the window and had turned down the room light it was then that I screamed out loud, really loud. There was no answer, nothing in fact…..nothing could draw me away from that moment inside “it just rose up”. This was not audible but it was there it “just rose up”. The door in the wall opened towards me, my door, well that’s what I thought as well. It happened just like that, the light suddenly speeded up outside my window. Even the dogs seemed to be going faster or sounding faster, some even passed by my window. The sky was floating. She just blew in from the pitch dark of the corridor where all the lights had gone quiet. She tiptoed in and stood on one leg balancing herself on her other toe. She quivered. She put her hands over her eyes and let out a little shriek then looked at the glimmer or sparkle that came out of the light in the room. She leaned on the doorframe and everything seemed to flutter around her in a draught.

I shivered.

“Helloooo…..can’t you talk or something”

........hiss

“Who are you?”

“ I don’t know”

.........hissss

“Are you looking for me? are you sure you have got the right flat? I am on the 1st floor do you want me to
show you downstairs?”

“Hush hush please”

.............hiss

“What……can anybody else hear you?……….what?”

“Oh just be easy in your mind”………”you cold?”…..”should I shut the door?”

...............pop-hissss

“No, please, I mean yes……….just come in and close the door”

She had very pink cheeks but strong and delicate skin with lots of tiny scars. She touched the walls feeling the wallpaper and smiled, touched the rug on the floor and ran her hands all the way around the edge of the table.

“Don’t worry I know everybody in the building”

..............crackle-hiss-crackle

“ They are all home from work and play, I know the dogs, cats, all the wood in here and even the man nobody knows”

................sssssssss

“ Look, let me close the door”

“If you want, nobody minds……are you worried? Why?…..what is the matter?…your not the only person who knows how to shut a door you know. Anyway I have already shut it”

..........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzst

“I am not sure………. you are very young?”

“ Then its ok then, don’t you think I don’t know you?…….stop shivering and be comfortable….do you know me so little?”

............sshhh

“You’re a child…………………”

“I’m only a child…..and stop being so proper…you don’t have to tell me this or that or what or how…….be calm in your head.”

...............crackle-hiss

Well…….then there was this, I ‘m not sure about the words it doesn’t matter.

“ We needn’t worry about that. I just wanted to say: my knowing you so well isn’t much protection to me, it only relieves you of the effort of keeping up pretences before me. And yet you’re paying me a compliment. Stop it I beg you, do stop it. Anyhow, I don’t know you everywhere and all the time, least of all in this darkness. It would be much better if you were to light up. No, perhaps not. At any rate I’ll keep it in mind that you have been threatening me.”

.....izz-crackle-pop

“What!!!!!……threatening you……never………Look I am pleased you have come at last and I say “at last” but its already rather late…why so late?……………but please no quarreling…….you could hurt me I know”

She was born on a friday and brought up on a farm so could still remember that light, light flash…..She saw that when she was about 4 or 5, about the age she is now, she just thought it was what was normal……I just saw it.

“Listen nobody could come closer to you than I am already………by nature I am close to you. You know that, so why all this seriousness. But if its only for fun I’ll go straight away”

................full electrical static hiss

“What……..are you telling me what to do? Its my room, its my wall you ran your hands over and I don’t know any of this”

“Do you know how I’ll be later on?”

..................electric hissss

“I don’t know anything”

“ So, you are now going out are you?”

...................static

“What can I do?…..how are you?……..and what is this?”

“I am more dubious about who I am than you are……………”………..hiss.

The lights stayed the same.

2006-06-15T20:13:00.000+01:00

Or something like: The truth even if it never happened.

(Crackle-static-interference)…….or was it?…….well!..... daydreaming?….(static/interference)..……….does it matter really?……......anyway listen.
I DON’T KNOW, I told myself this but perhaps I didn’t hear it, I don’t know……(Static sound)…what is that noise?……..
”If nobody comes, then nobody comes”, and yet that isn’t true, well not all true……..(Interference-noise and static)…..
”I’d love to go”
“Why not?”
“Can you talk right now?”
“Hang on you sound really awful”
“I’m not going with a pack of nobodies”

So they go into the mountains, of course, where else? So they go with a pack of nobodies.

“That’s a good thing”…….(static-interference)
“No way, I don’t like mountains anymore, lets go somewhere flat or back inside”
“But nobody has done me any harm”
“But nobody will help me”
“A pack of nobodies, look how they jostle with their elbows……………..and their arms linked together (static electrical sound)……their numberless feet tread so close together and look, no listen to the wind blowing through them and the gaps between their company”

(Stastic-interference-noise)…..then came this:

“ For we are like tree trunks in the snow. In appearance they lie sleekly and a little push should be enough to set them rolling. No, it can’t be done, for they are firmly wedded to the ground. But see, even that is only appearance.”

2006-06-15T10:32:00.000+01:00

Or perhaps something like: they write

Crazy things I hear in my ear, innuendo and space….. so listen good. Ok its clear if you add it up and put it together = High voltage electricity. 33 tables they write and I heard “silver twist”. There are doors, walls and cruel sinister games, liberty and be invisible. Down hearted they write……immortal souls. They write be realistic. Follow the rain on a ledge. Buzzy bee they write but the sound was electricity or was it the ice? Jump and sing, play, fever, swim and jump they write.

Or something like: Demonic indistinctions.

These were created on a Friday evening at dusk, you remember? It was impossible for them to receive bodies because the Sabbath had already begun. So they had a conflict of wanting “once more’ what they had lived and yet wanting the ecstasy of the un-lived, what had never happened yet. Ask Zoya she will tell you and she also has the softest voice.

2006-06-13T13:17:00.000+01:00

Something like this: ice light.

Anyway your guts are like mine and we all get together in sleep where are mouths are trapped in static and you said, “ this thing is like a rickety bridge of impossible crossing”. Together it is like small steps against inertia and the echo of a dead end.

Catch the rites of spring and bonfires, faulty electrics or something like exploding streetlights. Oh and incase you forget the birds are about to bust their guts with singing, look into the air.

Or perhaps something like: light ice

Something about Zoya with a halo and the buzz of insects like magnetic static electricity. It is sedative and hypnotic when sorrow fires her arrows at you in the glittering blackness.

2006-06-12T22:21:00.000+01:00

Способность преобразовать объекты через воображение

2006-06-11T22:27:00.000+01:00

2006-06-04T21:33:00.000+01:00

trouble at 4.00am

memory is cheap...people do forget and so does history…too soon….14.57.43pm..............snow deserts.

Everything is gold and silver.…covered in grey and glitter its easy I’ll show you......…That road is thin ice, white like white ice glass white…. It’s all dead and blue. The stars and the sky, white, black and excitation….just think it? My tongue is on fire…look. Just burn the ice, there’s nobody watching.…look blue ice skies. The darkest light, bastard light, sweetest noise I can’t believe it. Keep the white light in your sight, stolen away under the ice white night. The sun is beautiful towards the blue distance.

My dad said your so corrupt and listening to my fathers voice, I guess I’m not so bright.

2006-06-01T23:57:00.000+01:00

2006-05-31T18:37:00.000+01:00

2006-05-30T19:43:00.000+01:00

2006-05-28T20:49:00.000+01:00

2006-05-22T21:50:00.000+01:00

2006-05-21T21:54:00.000+01:00

2006-05-19T22:37:00.000+01:00

I said to myself…….I still don’t know why?………I ended up in the north…that’s it….. in the north…trees…trees around…………it’s a mysterious thing, all I can remember is that sweet soft sound and a rhythm….living in the north.

At night its hard to say….just listen to the dogs bark…….and think how marvelous it was….no nightmare or theoretical or rhetorical………and voices…yes……they say things like “ask me how do you do?”…..”ask yourself please do”………I’m sure it sounds perfectly indicative…….and then one night I heard someone say “I am daylight”……..I said “is that so”……….I stood there staring.

2006-05-16T14:28:00.000+01:00

2006-05-15T20:06:00.000+01:00

2006-05-15T19:58:00.000+01:00

2006-05-15T19:49:00.000+01:00

2006-05-14T22:17:00.000+01:00

Actual Time 4:00 AM MSD 10:31 PM MSD
Civil Twilight 2:10 AM MSD 12:27 AM MSD

Length Of Visible Light: 22h 16m
Length of Day
18h 31m
Tomorrow will be 6m 44s longer.

2006-05-14T22:13:00.000+01:00

2006-05-14T21:25:00.000+01:00

………..its just a place, a strange word to use place….place, an area, position, or portion of space that somebody or something can be in or to put something or somebody in a particular location or position,………….to cause somebody or something to be in a particular state or condition…………………..anyway this place, significant events have taken place here, its not just me saying this…… and this place is now embedded with the emotion that took place……..and so to recover the memory of it, looking, reading or through the image or an image of it is to recover the emotion. Primarily though to visit the place is to potentially directly uncover the emotion…….the present - being there, and the past - what’s been there, the potential is to uncover or gain access to that emotion. Perhaps as a result it possesses you in its absence........ through the imagination, constructing places inside you as well as outside.

…………….they said listen with your eyes for a change.

…memory is not a property of consciousness but the one quality that distinguishes living matter from dead matter. It is the capacity to react to an event over a period of time; that is, a form of preserving and transmitting energy not known to the physical world. Any event affecting living matter leaves a trace of itself. This potential conserved energy or emotional presence may, under certain conditions, be reactivated and discharged-we then say that organisms act in a specific way because it remembers the previous event.

The term engram may refer to one of the following:
• In Neuropsychology, a hypothetical means by which memory traces are stored as physical or biochemical change in the brain; see Engram (neuropsychology).
• In Dianetics, a “recording” of a past painful event not normally accessible to the conscious mind; see Engram (Dianetics).

2006-05-13T09:17:00.000+01:00

2006-05-12T21:27:00.000+01:00

Wavelength 500 - 450 nm (nanometres)
Frequency 670 - 600 thz (terahertz)

2006-05-11T23:01:00.000+01:00

Shadows moved across ……….. But no light…………………………………………Shadows…..but where no light goes……..

2006-05-11T18:39:00.000+01:00

Blue colour.

“The world is blue at its edges and in its depths. This blue is the light that is lost………….its at the horizon….the colour between things……….the colour of light that never actually arrives…………….of desire……….the colour of where you are not…imagination………the colour where you can never go…………………….…distance….………..longing for the distances you never arrive in, for the blue world.” *

* Rebecca Solnit.

2006-05-10T21:54:00.000+01:00

2006-05-09T21:33:00.000+01:00

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2006-05-06T16:51:00.000+01:00

2006-05-05T09:01:00.000+01:00

кто там? who's there?

2006-05-02T11:00:00.000+01:00

бег для меня

2006-04-29T21:51:00.000+01:00

2006-04-28T07:32:00.000+01:00

тропа

range/49>>>4536000012

2006-04-27T08:41:00.000+01:00

2006-04-27T07:45:00.000+01:00

2006-04-26T17:41:00.000+01:00

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2006-04-25T10:19:00.000+01:00

солнце скользит

2729440001>>>>>>>45 range/42

2006-04-24T07:38:00.000+01:00

2006-04-23T22:53:00.002+01:00

цветущий гудящий беспорядок

5429-00146294001>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>range/49-10784009

2006-04-23T08:53:00.000+01:00

2006-04-22T10:00:00.000+01:00

misha...................masha, masha are you awake.................?

masha.....................................................................oh, go on then.....

misha..........................listen, I just heard this......"the unspeakable softness of flesh"

masha...................................you призрак

2006-04-22T09:32:00.000+01:00

2006-04-22T09:29:00.000+01:00

Горячие холодные сезоны я плаваю в моем собственном, чтобы потеть

2006-04-22T09:19:00.000+01:00

2006-04-21T22:33:00.000+01:00

2006-04-20T10:17:00.000+01:00

жить в воображении

2006-04-20T07:36:00.000+01:00

возбуждения

2006-04-19T08:43:00.000+01:00

скройтесь

2006-04-19T08:38:00.000+01:00

2006-04-18T11:43:00.000+01:00

поиски

2006-04-18T09:47:00.000+01:00

2006-04-17T20:51:00.000+01:00

2006-04-16T09:36:00.000+01:00

2006-04-15T09:35:00.000+01:00

2006-04-14T08:17:00.000+01:00

………………………………………..there was no wind

………………………………………..on went the boyards

………………………………………..the bushiest apple tree

………………………………………..am feeling blue today

………………………………………..in the green pine grove

………………………………………..love charms

………………………………………..the little duck

………………………………………..the small mosquitoes

………………………………………..on the other bank of the great river

………………………………………..a legend

………………………………………..by the lonely-lying rock

………………………………………..a chant for the motherland

………………………………………..down the road

………………………………………..my green years

………………………………………..on top of a hill

………………………………………..the northern merrymaking

………………………………………..the light blue doves

………………………………………..the harvested grain fields

………………………………………..the countryside square dance band

………………………………………..the girls’ tunes

………………………………………..mis’ry, oh my mis’ry

………………………………………..I love my friend

………………………………………..out came 33 fine ships

………………………………………..in side a church

……………………………………….a plea for the Russian land

2006-04-14T07:25:00.000+01:00

2006-04-13T10:08:00.000+01:00

.......................found language as what remains, as what actually survives the possibility, or impossibility, of speaking

............................................to what does such a language bear witness? To something-a fact or event, a memory or hope, a delight or agony-that could be registered in the corpus of what has already been said? It bears witness to neither one nor the other. What cannot be stated, what cannot be archived is the incapacity to speak. The groaning "dark shadows" the "background noise" that has no place in the libraries or archives or statements..........remnants........."I, who speak, the one who cannot in any sense speak."

2006-04-13T09:58:00.000+01:00

"............for although thy people be as the sand and of the sea, yet a remnant of them shall be saved"

"............ для того, хотя ваши люди, быть как песок и моря, все же остаток их должен быть спасен"

2006-04-12T09:38:00.000+01:00

There's a certain Slant of light, winter afternoons.......when it comes, the landscape listens....shadows.....hold their breath......when it goes, 'tis like the distance. On the look of death.

...........................made it on time,

...........................невыносимая легкость того, чтобы быть ничем

.........небесный вред, это дает нам ..., мы не можем найти никакого шрама ...., но внутреннего различия ...., где значения.....

2006-04-10T22:34:00.000+01:00

2006-04-07T08:50:00.000+01:00

2006-04-06T12:20:00.000+01:00

2006-04-05T00:10:00.000+01:00

Через мгновение, в мерцании глаза, в последнем козыре: поскольку труба должна звучать, и мертвые должны быть воспитаны неподкупные, и мы будем изменены.

2006-04-04T01:50:00.000+01:00

Masha……misha you can’t keep going on like this.

Misha……look I was set a task to take water from one ice hole and carry it to another ice hole and pour the water in….all day every day……. 2 and a half weeks or was it for 6 weeks………..hey!…you see I had to, can you imagine that? …………..…hey fatty they said…....listen what is your problem? it was me and others…….. it was how it is…….. just let things be as they are. Why keep turning stones over and over?…why do you fear it?……..next time hey?…how long do you know it?……..this one?…..........born on the level?…………all the time you think?…walking fine?….how do you show it?….how do you know it?….this one?……..I thought I know it?

Masha……it was Fenkel…he had so many ideas for how to use peoples ideas and energy?

Misha……yep it was Fenkel

Masha……yep

Misha…….are you still here?

Masha……I think so?

Misha……hey its only me

Masha……who said?

Misha……well, whereof one cannot speak thereof one should remain silent.

Masha……if you say so.

Misha……brrrrrr open the box

Misha……and…………….. it came to pass……”you know only humans carry their past around.”

Misha……”the one can see oneself in the world” and one can be different, differently.

Masha……”I’ll be good when still”………………..still.

Masha……look up, don’t speak, shut up, don’t sleep, don’t laugh, don’t frown.

Masha……ok………2 3 4……sing

Misha……….lets just be quiet…let all things settle…let us be quiet….yes silent.

Masha………….silence……………………..yes

2006-04-03T10:49:00.000+01:00

masha, listen.............

"behold, I shew you a mystery; we shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed."

1 Corinthians, 15:51

2006-04-02T22:46:00.000+01:00

2006-04-02T22:16:00.000+01:00

2006-04-02T22:06:00.000+01:00

2006-04-02T22:00:00.000+01:00

2006-04-02T10:27:00.000+01:00

sasha.....this made me laugh...."the unbearable heaviness of being a divine shit"

alex......sahsa...............please

2006-04-01T11:24:00.000+01:00

Sasha, zhenya, misha, alex, masha listen its Zoya…….please listen and be quiet.

quiet

I was 8………..when I here…………8 do you remember……………………not 8 now but 8 then…………….on street found…(Article 58)

What? where are I?………………………..now!

They gave me the “whole works”

Me as kids are 6 to 14

………….me as kids are there before his eyes to see….you see?

To the whole works….code……..me putting various objects on railroad tracks…..I learned……all kids learn. So I pick up new things, new speaking…how to be…I not care…..on the run, free life carries on from yesterday. All bad thing build me up……..no ideas whatsoever.

If other teeth are weaker than mine then tear the piece away……it belongs to me.

Zoya, stop I can’t hear this……..Misha please let her go on…..Zoya its ok……go on, please.

I’m not afraid, how can I be?

Water please……….I like water and I like swimming in water………do you?….look I swim lots and in the end I ended up at the bottom of a swim place.

Zoya stop…………

They wouldn’t let me swim back up………no legs kicking.

Zoya………………………………………………………..please please

Misha its ok….just wait and listen……..Zoya please

Not be…not being…..keep mouth shut together ……………………………………………………………………yes together…………………………………………….…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..You don’t enjoy looking silly…………………………………………………so me is like a knights princess.

Body gets tickled and tense….most days…. I live well and I lived in the ground……keep away…I care……I tell em……you don’t………….I tell em(Article 58)….so get your hands off me I say

oh no Misha….. stop Zoya that is enough…………….I can’t hear this…its ok Zoya come here its ok…let me hold you its ok its ok……..Masha its ok….please……Zoya its ok……..…………………..masha it is ok

2006-03-31T10:24:00.000+01:00

Masha……..I heard this it made me laugh….the unbearable lightness of being nowhere

2006-03-30T23:31:00.000+01:00

2006-03-30T22:24:00.000+01:00

masha, sasha, alex, zhenya.......listen.......quiet..........misha go on

I came here about 8 years ago or was it 80, I cant remember now...it doesn't matter any more, but I came from a distance.

Listen its just some people, some were couples some not......men and women, dispossessed. I’m saying nothing new here, absolutely nothing you know.

We had love and we have love, some love each other….and we are on trains…across valleys, fields, forests, forests, forests, forests, snow, heat, ice, wind, rain and cold and then water…….perhaps 1hr or was it 1 week or was it 1month or was it 1 year…it doesn’t matter now…really…then we arrived on a place.....I don't know......... or had I heard about it...perhaps I had

We have each other........... work............. and we give up everything, we hate each other and we love each other and we are indifferent to everything….or were we….I can’t remember now it doesn’t really matter or did we realise.... and what was there to realise?…..it doesn’t matter.

Listen I was never cold……………well…..once.........perhaps……but that’s later...it happened later...at the end I remember……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………?

Misha go on…….

Well we did realise of course, how could you not, smells, sounds….and that taste or was it all the same…..

Its what you see in front of you…all the time and every time and I didn’t have a choice…I saw everything in front of me and I know……………everything I know and think and want and couldn’t think….some things know…...perhaps…well yes but I’m not going further…it not so important now..lets leave it…

Please Misha…….go on

Listen…………………… no subject here just the object……… you have to understand this, that is very important to me……..

Then its gone, everything everything do you understand?...do you understand that...remember

Afterwards things re-appear, not in any special order but little moments are disclosed, just things, sometimes random sometimes connected. Incidental or not it’s the pressure of the place it just forces them up and out….things are just reporting back, what they are and what they have done and seen……….

like I have been telling you

Laughing, not connected, sort of slipping, a long time gone perhaps or not, always failing, didn’t want to see, different directions, only me, teeth were good…why do I have to think about these things…

tell them to leave, tell him to leave, tell her to leave, laughing, I thought nothing was fixed…together…laughing….in the end…..laughing……remember what was bad………..but it wasn’t really, laughing…

do you want me to help you up before you leave?…..c’on its not that bad..I tell you…..laughing…..you were there……laughing………..Listen I feel like laughing….let me help you up.

2006-03-30T03:24:00.000+01:00

zhenya..............misha I like that...the unbearable lightness of being no one......nice

2006-03-29T15:08:00.000+01:00

masha.........this made me laugh when I heard it

misha.........go on

masha........the unbearable lightness of being no one

2006-03-29T09:27:00.000+01:00

2006-03-28T01:08:00.000+01:00

2006-03-27T23:53:00.000+01:00

Zhenya……its possible

Sasha…….I know

Zhenya……Ok

Sasha…….do you feel the seasons change?

Zhenya……yes

Sasha…….In me as well

Zhenya……I know

Sasha…….Lets go

Zhenya……great

Sasha…….ok

Zhenya……you feel it

Sasha…….yes

Zhenya……I know something I wanted to say…you leave your eyes in places

Sasha…….what?

Zhenya……and there are super contradictions

Sasha…….great

Zhenya……touch

Sasha…….I know

Zhenya……who are you?

Sasha…….what?

Zhenya……really

Sasha…….really?

Sasha…….well how are you?

Zhenya……ok

Sasha…….take me to places

Zhenya……ok

Sasha…….corners

Zhenya……ok

Sasha…….turning places

Zhenya……ok

Sasha…….lights

Zhenya……ok

Sasha…….nights

Zhenya……ok

Sasha…….fast places

Zhenya……ok

Sasha…….lost places

Zhenya……ok

Sasha…….time

Zhenya……time is ok

Sasha…….can you hear rain?

Zhenya……always

Sasha…….I think its almost……….

Zhenya……go on

Sasha…….no….its here

Zhenya……I know, always

Sasha…….criminal

Zhenya……yes

Sasha…….your eyes

Zhenya……yes

Sasha…….look

Zhenya……I am…going to

Sasha…….close em

Zhenya……no way I’m dreaming

Sasha…….outside

Zhenya……maybe

Sasha…….gently

Zhenya……silence

Sasha…….singing

Zhenya……no

Sasha…….falling

Zhenya……no

Sasha…….rain

Zhenya……yes

Sasha…….so far?

Zhenya……no…not really

Sasha…….hit it?

Zhenya……yes

Sasha…….call me the

Zhenya……ok ok ok

Sasha…….nice

Zhenya……not bad

Sasha…….free range

Zhenya……what?

Sasha…….if you want

Zhenya……what you put in your mouth

Sasha…….ok

Zhenya……sleep

Sasha…….go on………..sleep

Zhenya……travel to those places……hill and valley……..remember everything……ride

2006-03-27T15:16:00.000+01:00

2006-03-26T18:06:00.000+01:00

2006-03-26T17:47:00.000+01:00

Masha…………misha listen

Misha………….what?

Masha…………look

Misha………….what?

Masha……..….its beautiful

Misha………….I know

Masha…………listen, beauty is in the small things, details, just the little things that make up………………..

Misha………….you contradict things

Masha…………no, feel it

Misha………….everything the other way round

Masha…………yes

Misha………….that’s it

Masha…………turn everything the other way round

Misha………….look at the details

2006-03-25T09:52:00.000Z

2006-03-25T09:31:00.000Z

Zhenya………listen, lets have a go with this…..ok

Sasha………..ok

Z…….A Priori…………

S…….Before…….ideas and thoughts……prior to experience or something happens.

Z…….Imagination?

S…….perhaps something like that

Z……Aesthetics

S……never sure about this, a science of looking at art?

Z……philosophy?….studying art

S……yep, overrated.

Z……beauty

S……too big a subject, its like saying food….it means too many things

Z……ok, linked to aesthetics but before the 18thC

S……objects or things contain beauty

Z…….ok

S…….linked to thought, emotions and ideas…….of course imagination.

Z…….ok

S…….its formal things tho’, balance and harmony, perfection……I hate all that.

Z…….me too…..coherence?…..that is so stupid…”non-sense” for me…. and its all that blokes stuff as well.

Z…….Concept

S…….abstract term

Z…….yep…events getting classified again

Z……..Deconstruction

S…….its an illusion

Z……yep….hate all that insistence on coherence again…..texts and meaning

Z…….Dialectics

S……the cat is dead

Z…….yep….but all cats are not dead

S…….all cats don’t bite

Z……they do!

S……ok, but it’s the ground for comparing imagination about things.

Z…….Differend

S…….how are we going to agree

Z……ok…no grounds for agreement

Z…….Discourse

S…….too many rules and attitudes

Z……don’t speak, write or think!!

Z……Empiricism

S……I like this

Z……do you?

S…….you know, knowledge based on experience

Z……Enlightenment

S…….17thC stuff

Z……what? you have faith in science and philosophy

S……perhaps…..c’on

Z……Epistomology

S……theory?

Z……knowledge?

Z…….Idealism

S…….like you…ha

Z……reality, sense of reality formed in our minds

Z…….Ideology

S……false?

Z……conditions of existence
Z…….Imaginary

S……subjects and objects

Z……perhaps, how things are prior to knowledge

S……mmmm….not sure

Z……Judgement

S……how are we going to agree here?

Z……reflection on things, rather than from the senses

S……ok….we aren’t going to agree

Alex………………..Sensuality, snow on roof and sweet soft sounds.

Z……materialism

S……ok, language and material things again.

Z……yep, very debatable again

Z……Metaphysics

S……conditions of knowledge

Z……out of range of senses and experience

S……philosophy?

Z……I guess so

Z……Neo-classical

S…….17th C

Z……Roman empire….Augustan

Z……Neoplatonism

S……nature?

Z……philosophy and plato

Z…….noumena

S……ok…stuff or things that you can’t describe but somehow know.

Z……underlying conditions

S……experience….not knowable

Z……but not in order to make sense

S…….I wish

Z……ontology

S……things in themselves

Z……itself?

S……on its own……..not part of things together

Z……really?

Z……parergon

S……frames

Z……yep…containers

Z……platonism

S……forms and ideas

Z…….eternal?

S……transcendental reality?

Z…….c’on

S…….really?

Z…….now?

S…….go on…why not?

Z..…..go on then.

S…….lets do it

Z……really……reality?

S……of the mind-without senses

Z……Standards?

Misha……..….born to the night and light.

Z……postmodernism

S……skepticism

Z……truth-morality and reason

S……what no enlightenment?

Z……no progress

S……subjects?

Z……yep….not the self

Z……Rationalism

S……pet hate…this one….hate it

Z……really?

S……reason…..as the foundation of knowledge…c’on

Misha………some of us are born to light

Alex………..some of us are born to endless night

Z…….real

S…….ok….big one

Z……gestures towards something

S……I like the idea of gestures, little small things in people gestures

Z……but never grasped

S……yes

Z……everything is impossible

S……really?

Z……missing

Z……skepticism

S……impossible

Z……objective knowledge about how we are?

S……absolutely impossible

Z...….perhaps

Z……stoicism

S……cosmic reason

Z……nature?

S……something like………living in touch with nature

Z……subjectivity

S……forces?

Z…….social and political…history and language.

Z…….sublime

S……high stuff?

Z……no comparison

S……over-powering

Z……undetermined

S……hey we don’t know

Z…….sure…………but don’t give me that bloke stuff again

Z……symbolic

S……language again

Z……how we bring meaning to things

S……sort of

Z……thing

S……void

Z……emptiness

Z……thing in itself

S……independence

Z……of experience?

S……ok

Misha………………………………………….absolute contradictions in everything…..but no fighting